My Mood Today

Conspiracies I've heard about the vaccines.

1) They are made from parts of aborted babies. WHAT? 2) They will change your DNA structure making you not human. I find that hard to believe. 3) They will splice your DNA with that of animals, making you part animal and susceptible to diseases that plague animals. 4) They will sterilize you - Part of the One World Govt's plan to reduce population. 5) It's the mark of the Beast. 6) They are injecting us with alien DNA. 7) They will destroy your immune system - One World Govt plan to reduce population. Ayi Yai Yai! Sigh!

IMP: Need Suggestions

"Grow your audience," they say. What, they expect me to stick you guys in pots and put cow dung fertilizer for you'll. I don't got boobs. I don't got none of those Brad Pitt looks. Bikinis don't look good on me. I don't sound like George Michael. I write (and kinda rap). In order to make money from my books and music = I need a bigger audience. "Tell people to share your work." Who the heck will share my work. Nobody I know. Not my FB guys for sure. Oh, don't feel bad for them, they wouldn't :) Now, let's get on with the joke. So, how am I supposed to "Grow My Audience"? Exposure = Recognition. If I expose myself half the audience will run away. No playboy contract coming my way for sure. Any suggestions on how I grow my audience? Wait, is anyone even reading this? Do I even have an audience? Sigh... Later amigos :)

Sober (for now) and Back to Blogging

I think it's been over a decade since I've posted here. 15 years perhaps. Soooooooooooo, this is an “I’m back” post - That’s why I gonna talk about myself for a while. Sorry. I got addicted to FB and the 3 likes per post I'd get there. Hey, it's not like I was raking in the numbers here either. In fact, I only just remembered I had this space. Hi. Hello. Nice to meet ya. So, about the 2 pegs down title. I'm temporarily off alcohol till I get a job. Considering that I have not had a job for 7 years (due to battling psychosis – with pills not a misguidedly romantic sword) this could be a problem. Not that I have been sober for 7 years (Oh, hell no!). This ‘off booze till I get a job’ thing is just an unrealistic goal that I have set for myself. Realistically speaking it's a bullshit goal. Let’s be realistic. The chances of a psychotic person getting a job are low. The chances of somebody with 7 years off his CV are very low. In a lockdown? Combine the three and I'd probably stand a better chance of making money selling tricks to horny rickshaw drivers who are too high on meth to realise that mine are man boobs. Oh, manboobs, a little gift from the C virus lockdown. How have you guys been keeping up with the lockdown? I quit alcohol for a year then decided to bail the alcohol companies out of bankruptcy. That was fun. Hey, 7 years have not gone wasted. I’ve written 5 books (4 of the e-books are available on Amazon) and just wrote, rapped and released a hip-hop song on music digital platforms globally. Soooooooooooo, like I said, this is an “I’m back” post - That’s why I talked so much about myself. In my next posts, we’ll get back to our regular banter of spoofing the heck out of anything under the sun, moon or (ooooooo) the bed. In the meanwhile, if you’d like to check my new single out, here’s a link (Song name: Voices. Artist: Dwayne Lemos). https://open.spotify.com/album/6JBOOMVvEetzwuFrqSWTJq?si=yXWswoLCTYuCQVNPen7wog Chat soon. Cheers!

The Original G

Back in the days of aggressive suppression,
Was born a great man on a mission.

Humility supreme, no eye for bling,
Turned history around with just one thing.

Satyagraha, silent resistance,
Peaceful no to violent insistence.

They were scared of him, this giant so frail.
That why they hauled him off to jail.

They thought it would stop him.
But no, it did not.

They thought they could break him.
But no, they could not!

He scared them all without lifting a hand.
Didn’t give in to one, not one demand.

On a fast he went, leading the way,
Till they shivered to hold him for one more day.

A people united, together we stood.
Let the powers that were do whatever they could.

No ‘yes men’ here, we all said no.
Till they said, enough, we’d better pack up and go.

My brothers and sisters, you know why we are free.
So, get it together for the original G.

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Mahatma Gandhi, the original G

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Angel of freedom, he set us free!

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
He said we’re one, you and me

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Father of India, we salute thee.

Now, I’m proud of India. Proud of where I’m from.
But sometimes I wonder, what have we become?

Poverty and pain, the rich don’t care.
Corruption bred leaders stinks up the air.

If the Mahatma were around, what would he say?
If he saw the creatures we’ve become today.

Prejudice and fear are tearing us apart.
Time to look deep and find our heart.

Oh Mahatma! I ask of thee!
Pray the Lord gives your people eyes to see.

One people, one nation, that’d make him proud.
A billion smiles, for everyone in this crowd.

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Mahatma Gandhi, the original G.

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Angel of freedom, he set us free!

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
He said we’re one, you and me!

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Father of India, we salute thee.

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Mahatma Gandhi, the original G.

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Angel of freedom, he set us free!

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
He said we’re one, you and me!

Jai Mahatma! Jai Mahatma!
Father of India, we salute thee.



The Original G by Dwayne Lemos is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at 2pegsdown.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at dwaynelemos@hotmail.com.



The Original G by Dwayne Lemos is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at 2pegsdown.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at dwaynelemos@hotmail.com.


The Original G by Dwayne Lemos is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 UK: Scotland License.
Based on a work at 2pegsdown.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at dwaynelemos@hotmail.com.


The Original G by Dwayne Lemos is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.
Based on a work at 2pegsdown.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at dwaynelemos@hotmail.com.

Ever Wonder... What Your Cigarette Is Thinking?

We force them to live in tiny, overcrowed spaces. We burn them for our own pleasure, and trade them like nobody's business. Lincon would be shocked! But do you ever stop to think, what is that helpless cigratte of yours thinking? If it could talk, what would it say? ... really.

Sharing a smoke: "Hey! The b****** don't brush! Put your mouth there first!"

Gotta go to the loo: "Do you take everyone you kiss here? (No wonder you're alone at 3 am. Loser.)"

She just went down on him: "I'm gonna die in a couple of minutes (mighty courteous of you). But you... hahaha... welcome to the world of herpies."

You stub it before it's finished: "Hey, I'm not done yet! No wonder she left you."

You stuff lights in a hards packet: "Gulp!"

You prefer dube: "Hey, my butt's natural!"

You stamp it when it's done: "Kiss me when you want something. Kick me when I'm down. You'd make a great politician."

You don't light it properly: "If you don't even know how to turn me on properly, you're obviously going to suck like crazy!"

You empty the ashtray: "Someday somebody will throw your damn ashes in the dustbin too. You B******!"

You've pissed it off: "I'm gona kill you if it's the last thing I do!"

You have a smoke with the boss: "Just how many butts are ya gona kiss today anyway?"

The post-sex cigarette: "Why the heck does Cigar get to have all the fun? Damn you Bill!"

Well, that's what I think anyway :) Time to light up.

Ever Wonder… What Your Electronic Gadgets Would Say If They Could Talk?

We use them, abuse them and toss them out when we’re done with them. No, I not talking about the member of the opposite sex here (goes both ways :), I talking about electronics - Cellphones, DVD players and stuff like that. But AI is fast catching up. Tomorrow who knows what your DVD player will be capable of doing. Let's say if it could talk. Let's say they could all talk. What do you think your gadgets of your would say to you if they had the gift of voice? Hmmm…

Mobile Phone: “Dude it stinks in here! Use a deo bro!”

ATM Card: “Get your facts straight! I’m the one with the money! Come kiss my ass for a change B****!”

Television: “And they call me the idiot box.”

Laptop: “Wash you hands first ya sick B******!”

Printer: “How about I open you up next time you try to have a meal.”

DVD Player: “Tap me one more time and I swear I’ll…”

Remote Control: “Make up your damn mind already!”

Home Theatre: “Stuck for life with someone who doesn’t know a damn thing about how to push my buttons… sniff.”

Toaster: “It’s not like I burnt the house down ya cry baby!”

Extension Chord: “Look, mine gets longer than yours!”

Electric Massager: “This is not why they called me a head massager! Ya sick ******!”

Electric Razor: “Tell Gillette to do that shit!”

Microwave Oven: “Heat for 30 seconds. Heat for 30 seconds. Never read the manual did ya?”

Washing Machine: “Ever put a dirty sock in your own mouth? No? Then don’t ask where it’s gone!”

Electric Guitar: “How would you like it if I keep fiddling with your G-string in front of everyone?”