Ever Wonder... What Your Cigarette Is Thinking?

We force them to live in tiny, overcrowed spaces. We burn them for our own pleasure, and trade them like nobody's business. Lincon would be shocked! But do you ever stop to think, what is that helpless cigratte of yours thinking? If it could talk, what would it say? ... really.

Sharing a smoke: "Hey! The b****** don't brush! Put your mouth there first!"

Gotta go to the loo: "Do you take everyone you kiss here? (No wonder you're alone at 3 am. Loser.)"

She just went down on him: "I'm gonna die in a couple of minutes (mighty courteous of you). But you... hahaha... welcome to the world of herpies."

You stub it before it's finished: "Hey, I'm not done yet! No wonder she left you."

You stuff lights in a hards packet: "Gulp!"

You prefer dube: "Hey, my butt's natural!"

You stamp it when it's done: "Kiss me when you want something. Kick me when I'm down. You'd make a great politician."

You don't light it properly: "If you don't even know how to turn me on properly, you're obviously going to suck like crazy!"

You empty the ashtray: "Someday somebody will throw your damn ashes in the dustbin too. You B******!"

You've pissed it off: "I'm gona kill you if it's the last thing I do!"

You have a smoke with the boss: "Just how many butts are ya gona kiss today anyway?"

The post-sex cigarette: "Why the heck does Cigar get to have all the fun? Damn you Bill!"

Well, that's what I think anyway :) Time to light up.

Ever Wonder… What Your Electronic Gadgets Would Say If They Could Talk?

We use them, abuse them and toss them out when we’re done with them. No, I not talking about the member of the opposite sex here (goes both ways :), I talking about electronics - Cellphones, DVD players and stuff like that. But AI is fast catching up. Tomorrow who knows what your DVD player will be capable of doing. Let's say if it could talk. Let's say they could all talk. What do you think your gadgets of your would say to you if they had the gift of voice? Hmmm…

Mobile Phone: “Dude it stinks in here! Use a deo bro!”

ATM Card: “Get your facts straight! I’m the one with the money! Come kiss my ass for a change B****!”

Television: “And they call me the idiot box.”

Laptop: “Wash you hands first ya sick B******!”

Printer: “How about I open you up next time you try to have a meal.”

DVD Player: “Tap me one more time and I swear I’ll…”

Remote Control: “Make up your damn mind already!”

Home Theatre: “Stuck for life with someone who doesn’t know a damn thing about how to push my buttons… sniff.”

Toaster: “It’s not like I burnt the house down ya cry baby!”

Extension Chord: “Look, mine gets longer than yours!”

Electric Massager: “This is not why they called me a head massager! Ya sick ******!”

Electric Razor: “Tell Gillette to do that shit!”

Microwave Oven: “Heat for 30 seconds. Heat for 30 seconds. Never read the manual did ya?”

Washing Machine: “Ever put a dirty sock in your own mouth? No? Then don’t ask where it’s gone!”

Electric Guitar: “How would you like it if I keep fiddling with your G-string in front of everyone?”